Dinosaur Zucchini Terrorizing Millbrook

Caution is advised for Millbrook residents after the recent shocking revelation of a possible dinosaur-zucchini hybrid creature roaming at large in the area.

This alarming information came to light after a secret laboratory was discovered in the basement of a local home, where it is alleged that risky “experiments” have been taking place for years.

Evidence uncovered at the home of retired zucchini farmer Alistair Voidborn suggests that he has been working on a project to fuse the DNA of the normally harmless zucchini with that of a Tyrannosaurus Rex to create a terrifying hybrid “Zukosaurus”. Using sophisticated scientific equipment and an illegally obtained dinosaur tooth stolen from the Royal Ontario Museum, Voidborn has been devoted to this project since before the pandemic. Calling it “a bit of an obsession” he admits that this undertaking has had some success, although he will not say whether such a creature has been released into the wild. A brief glance over the fence into Alistair Voidborn’s yard reveals several disturbingly oversized “zucchini” plants, producing what look to be very large “zucchinis”, some of which appear to have teeth.

“I am but a simple zucchini farmer with a dream,” Mr. Voidborn says, in an interview from his jail cell. “Imagine how wonderful to see a field full of Zukosauruses! Right here in Millbrook!”

Local authorities are less enthusiastic. “The potential danger to the public from a free-ranging zucchini-dinosaur hybrid on the loose around our peaceful village should be of great concern to all of us,” according to one conservation officer. “And there is some reason to believe that a release of such a creature – or creatures – has already taken place.”

Although there has not yet been an officially documented sighting, suspicious dinosaur-like footprints have appeared on the island beside the Millbrook dam. One dog-walker, who wishes to remain anonymous, believes they saw something large and green in the woods along the Medd’s Mountain trail. “I mean, it could have been a tree…but I’m pretty sure I heard it roar. Scared the bejeezus out of my poor little dog Fluffy.”

Investigation continues, but in the meantime, residents are advised to remain vigilant while walking anywhere in the area. Should you happen to come across any suspicious zucchini- dinosaur related evidence please report it immediately to the Millbrook Zucchinifest Safety Committee, who have the necessary skills and training to deal with such a potentially dangerous situation. Zucchinis all by themselves pose little threat to the community, but one can only imagine how terrifying a carnivourous, predatory Zukosaurus might be. It is recommended to keep any pets and small children inside until this threat has passed. Or until Zucchinifest on September 10. Whichever comes first. KG

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