My Dad and sister are coming to visit today. It will be the first time in seven months that I have seen my Dad. This morning, I finally allowed myself to be excited because I knew it was really happening. All week long I had felt irritable and I could not place my thoughts on what exactly was on my mind causing me to feel this way. As always, I am sure it was more than one thing but the biggest reason came to me this morning. I was worried all week that this visit wasn’t going to happen. Of course I was worried! So many things these last fifteen months have had to change; and making plans? What is that? How many times have we had to say to ourselves, our family, our children, “we are going to have to cancel, change or modify something because of COVID”? It is something we have all had to do and it’s exhausting.
My husband and I were taking a walk the other evening and I shared that I feel like in many ways we are running the last leg of a marathon. We are exhausted and not really sure if our body and minds will carry us much further and yet at the same time, we have this surge that comes when you know the end is not far off. I am tired. This year has pushed me in ways I had never experienced before and this is with the keen awareness that my experience through this has looked so much different than so many others.
Everything makes me tired some days. I have screen exhaustion; I have social media exhaustion and I feel like I ran out of any back up energy a solid year ago. These days, I am gentler on myself than I have ever been. Some days feel better than others and that is fine and dandy with me. I have really stopped saying I am fine when people ask. If I am having a good day, I share that and if I am not, well, I share that too. That is not easy. It isn’t easy to be honest when things are hard but I am seeing that I am not doing myself or anyone else any favours by pretending things are great all the time. Social media already perpetuates that falsehood. We only see one side of things on social media. The good stuff and the glamour fill our Instagram and Facebook pages and we are left wondering what we are doing wrong. Why we are crying in the bathroom with the door closed while our three year old bangs on the door. Why that person seems to have it all figured out when we feel like our life has been turned inside out. It’s not real life. We all have good days and we all have bad days. All of us; and we have to start sharing those moments with each other in ways that work for us. In doing that, we start to lift the veil and start to really see one and other. We learn we are not alone. We feel more validated. These times are hard and I know they are so much harder for some than others. I believe though that it is strong, honest and loving relationships that can make the difference for so many.
It is difficult to hold onto hope sometimes, but I am grabbing for it every single day. I hold onto hope for all of us. Hope that there are better days ahead, hope that we will be gentler with one and other when we have a difference of opinion, hope that we will one day remember that we have more in common than we think, hope that when the day comes that we can come together again, we will do so with love and kindness for one another and ourselves.
Most of all though, I hope that one day very soon, I will see you again. At The Old Millbrook School, walking down the street, in the Pastry Peddler, Millbrook Mercantile, The Valley Shoppe, or any of the other great businesses, parks and trails in this community. I miss you. I miss your children and you are all on my mind.
We will see one and other soon. I truly believe that in my heart but until then, be kind to each other and yourselves. Be the person that makes the day a little brighter for another.
By Nancy Hurley, Administrator, Old Millbrook School EarlyON Centre
