One Giant Zucchini for Mankind

Photo supplied.

Millbrook Zucchini Festival celebrates the 50th anniversary of this historic event on September 8

Cooked up by the Millbrook Zucchini Festival Test Bake Ovens

The story of the Apollo 11 moon landing has, over the years, become almost mythical. The thrill of the blast-off. The nail-biting suspense of the lunar module’s descent to the moon’s surface. The sheer triumph of Neil Armstrong’s first immortal words: “One small step for man…” etc., etc. It’s all very warm and fuzzy. But inaccurate.

In a candid deathbed interview, just hours before he passed away in 2012, Armstrong felt the need to set the record straight. “I didn’t say that at all,” he admitted. “But Mission Control had a secret. So they managed to distort my words in order to hide the shocking truth.”

“One small step for man,” Armstrong continued. “One giant zucchini for mankind. That’s what I actually said. This has been bothering me for all these years.”

In fact, when he stepped out of the landing module, Neil Armstrong’s boot landed right on top of one of the enormous lunar zucchinis causing him to nearly lose his balance. “Fortunately, the low gravity made it possible for me to catch myself and carry on as if everything were normal. But of course I was stunned. We were not prepared for this.”

These moon zucchinis were, of course, the result of the highly classified cooperative project by the Nicaraguan Astral Seed Association (NASA) and the South Polynesian Agricultural Cooperative Enterprise (SPACE). It was an effort intended to provide a healthy, nutritious food supply for interplanetary travellers. And it was a great success. And also, sadly, a tragic failure.

Although the zucchinis grew well, as they tend to do, the arrival of the Apollo 11 astronauts ruined everything. The United States was humiliated at having been beaten to the moon by such piddly space agencies as Nicaragua and Polynesia and made sure that the world never learned the truth.

In a recent interview, Luis Ernesto Garcia Hernandes de Cortés, director of the Zucchini Interplanetary Project (ZIP) was bitter. “We got there first. We planted the zucchinis. No one knows. No one cares.” Mission Dietary Director, Huhulu Ka’uane, was more realistic. “Nobody really eats zucchini anyway. We should have grown tomatoes.”

On September 8, 2019, we will once again gather on the shores of Baxter Creek (beside Ye Olde Millbrook Arena) to celebrate the noble zucchini and proudly recall the 50th anniversary of The First Zucchinis on the Moon. Come and carve your zucchini into a prize-winning sculpture (special award for space-based entries) or zucchini boat, race your zucchini boats down Baxter Creek, dunk your noggin in the “neutral buoyancy lab” zucchini bobbing tank, and test your aim with the giant zucchini “Moonshot” slingshot. Or if cooking is more your forte, sharpen your kitchen knives and bring down your favourite zucchini dish, sweet or savoury to enter in the cooking contest. There is also another special top secret no tech event planned for this year, with all of the excitement happening within earshot of this year’s amazing festival house band Led Zucchini (a.k.a. Cellar Door).

All events are free and a pile of zucchinis will be supplied for your carving, floating and slingshooting pleasure courtesy of our local market gardeners at Circle Organics and Chick-a-biddy Acres as well as other generous community zucchini growers. Remember that it all happens between 12:30 and 3 p.m. so be sure to get down early in order to have time to enjoy all the fun as well as carve and decorate your zucchinis before the boat races start at 2 p.m. sharp. Food will be available for purchase on site supplied by Reggie’s of Peterborough.

For more information and a detailed list of the times of the events and prizes to be won, visit our website at millbrookzucchinifest.blogspot.com. KG

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