Photo supplied.
Zeno Zamboni of the Zion Line displays a mystery “hench-zuke”. “Most of them have wings,” says Mr. Zamboni. “It just didn’t seem normal.”
In a rare statement issued just days ago, the Canadian Security and Intelligence Service (CSIS) disclosed troubling details about a potential threat to public safety. Even more unusual is the very precise local nature of this warning. During a tense press conference held at the Millbrook Legion, CSIS Agent Zelda Zuccarini was shockingly explicit: “If you think those long green things growing in your garden are mere harmless vegetables, think again! We have good reason to believe these alleged “zucchinis” pose a real danger to the safety and security of this community.”
Zuccarini described, in some detail, a nefarious plot that is expected to unfold in our very village. Silently lurking beneath a lavish canopy of leaves, these “zucchinis” are, in reality, the villainous hench-zukes of the dreaded Zukked Witch of Millbrook. And they are just waiting for their moment to spread their wings and wreak mayhem and havoc on our peaceful town.
“Unbeknownst to anyone, the Zukked Witch of Millbrook has been living a quiet life in our township for a number of years, tending a garden and keeping pretty much to herself. But surveillance reveals that she has just been getting ready to make her move,” Zuccarini explained. “Because of this, we have raised the public threat level to Emerald City Green – and we must all take it very seriously.”
It was due to the keen eye of Zion Line neighbour Zeno Zamboni that this fiendish plot came to light at all. In a confidential interview, Mr. Zamboni told us, “Well, there were just too many darned zucchinis growing in that small garden. And they were too big. Also most of them have wings.” His voice quivering slightly as he spoke, “It just didn’t seem normal. I contacted the authorities.”
Although the precise details of this threat remain somewhat murky, the public is advised to prepare for the arrival of the Zukked Witch of Millbrook and her seedy entourage on Sunday, September 8. Agent Zuccarini tells us that typically with this sort of invasion, we can expect chaos on both land and water – including an armada of heavily festooned zucchini boats, a daunting display of terrifyingly large zucchinis and, worst of all, a squadron of flying zukes. All this will undoubtedly be accompanied by shrieking children, weird poetry, and appropriately bonkers zucchini-themed music.
For your own safety, and the safety of our community as a whole, it is critical that we gather on the scenic shores of Baxter Creek on September 8 at 12:30 in a show of solidarity and support. We will capture as many zucchinis as possible and decorate them into submission! We will cook them into cakes and bake them into casseroles! And yes, we will fling them through the air!
Bring your own zucchini if you have one – or take one of ours (please) and let’s show the Zukked Witch what we’re made of. KG
For more (and more useful) information visit the festival site at www.millbrookzucchinifest.blogsot.com or find us on Facebook or https://www.instagram.com/millbrookzucchinifestival/.