In all the excitement of the 50th anniversary of the lunar landing, we often forget that humans were not the first life force to arrive on (never mind colonize!) the lunar surface.
Prior to sending humans to the lunar surface, and even before poor Laika’s famous but ill-fated journey to space, zucchinis had not only arrived, but indeed were thriving on the moon. While the super powers vied with one another over who would win the space race, one of the first international joint space endeavours ever, the Nicaraguan Astral Seed Association (NASA) and the South Polynesian Agricultural Celestial Enterprise (SPACE), pooled resources to put the first zucchini on the moon.
The joint enterprise succeeded beyond all expectations. The low gravity combined with the unique soil composition allowed the lunar zucchinis not only to thrive but to grow to enormous proportions! However the two corporations were bankrupted by the lunar project and were never able to raise the resources to harvest this zucchini bounty.
All of this, of course, only fuels the flames of speculation as the curious ask, “Where were the giant zucchinis when the Eagle lunar module landed? If this is all true then should the first man on the moon not have been met by waving verdant fields of astral-sized leaves and giant-sized zucchinis sprawled out on the lunar surface like so many beached whales rather than a barren waste land of space rocks?”
The simple and most obvious answer is that, as has so often been surmised, the entire lunar landing was faked. Watch future issues of this paper to read about the elaborate ploy to cover up the first life force colonization of the moon. And do your part as amateur revisionist historians and come down to help celebrate…
First Zucchinis on the Mooooon!!!!
On September 8, 2019, we will be gathering by the sunny shores of Baxter Creek (next to Ye Olde Millbrooke Arena) to celebrate this auspicious event. The 20th Almost Annual Zucchini Festival will run from 12 to 4 and is a family-friendly afternoon hallmarked by free zucchini-related events.
For more information visit the Zucchini Festival official website at:
